we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
