yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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