Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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