somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
