remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
