this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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