we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We got so high we made milksteak
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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