roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
