can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
