Christians are straight up FREAKS
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
