a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
