Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
