I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Randomize
