found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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