you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
