I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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