i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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