Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
