the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
