Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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