apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
