All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize