what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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