your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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