shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
