Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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