did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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