Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
