I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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