i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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