Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
