i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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