Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
