yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
