P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
