Porn is love you can see.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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