im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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