it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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