I hate your face
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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