he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You may now shotgun with the bride
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
