I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
