the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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