Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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