the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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