You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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