I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
