I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We had to coat check the pizza.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
