Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
