i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
