Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
