I haven't been this sober since birth.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
