if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
