I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
