I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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