Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam š
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
And, by āmake you dinnerā I mean āhave lots of sex and multiple orgasms.ā So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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