i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
