Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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