sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
