I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
