I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
