for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
