During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
