The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Jerry, you need to find god
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You may now shotgun with the bride
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
