farters have to be the big spoon...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
