we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
