sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
