The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
