Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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